Hello everybody! Sorry that I didn’t have an article in last week’s paper, but I was occupied with getting ready to go to Gatlinburg, TN to celebrate Lisa and my 16th anniversary. We wanted to take a little trip…just the two of us. True…it is a short trip. However, it is long enough so that you feel like you are actually getting away!
If you have never been to Gatlinburg, you are missing out on a real treat. There are tons of shops and restaurants. In addition, there are numerous places that offer all kinds of distractions and junk that will soon part you with your money. In other words, it is a little piece of tourist trap heaven.
My favorite place to eat in the Pigeon Forge / Gatlinburg area is The Old Mill Restaurant. Just like the name states, this place was once a working mill. Now, however, it is the home to some of the best chicken and dumplings that I have ever eaten (sorry Mom)! With each meal, you get homemade corn fritters and corn chowder. This corn chowder is AMAZING! It is so thick and creamy that you just want to gobble down buckets of it. And the fritters? Well…..everything tastes better when it is deep fried in grease, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t like a fritter?
After eating a huge meal, we all waddled next door to the Candy Kitchen. In this place you can watch as the workers prepare homemade fudge and taffy. Of course, we had to purchase mass quantities of each. After all….we had a coupon. It would be almost a sin not to use it! Walking out of the store, we clutched our three pounds of fudge and two pounds of taffy like it was precious gold. The vanilla walnut fudge is the best!
Another place that we love to eat in Gatlinburg is Applewood Farm and the Apple Barn. It also serves fritters….apple fritters. With these pieces of heavenly delight, you also get homemade apple butter, apple juleps, and homemade soup. Now mind you….this is all BEFORE you get your meal. If there is one thing about Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge….you won’t go hungry!
Besides eating, one thing that we love to do in Gatlinburg is ride the skylift. This is an annual ritual that takes us up the side of a very steep mountain. Once at the top, we have our picture taken, look out at the Great Smoky Mountains, and then ride back down. Between the price for the tickets and the price for the picture, we spend about $40. Whenever we get to Gatlinburg each year, Lisa will say, “Well, it is time to go and take our $40 picture.” We have one entire wall in our basement that is devoted to all of the pictures we have had made on the Gatlinburg skylift. I have a feeling that this tradition will continue for a very, very long time.
Of course, I couldn’t write about Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg without mentioning the shopping. On this trip, instead of spending our money in the outlet stores, we purchased locally produced products. We bought some great pumpkin butter….just like apple butter but made from pumpkins. We also picked up some local crafts. I got my mom a cat made from clay that was colored with local mineral waters….just beautiful! Lisa found a little basket made from black walnuts. It was so unusual that we just had to have it. Of course, we also had to pick out another couple pieces of pottery to match Lisa’s set…Smoky Blue. I got her a big bowl to set on the kitchen bar.
So, if you love to eat, love to shop, and love to have a great time, I highly recommend a little trip to Gatlinburg. It only takes about 3 or 4 hours to get there. As an added bonus, you can even take a visit to that Mecca of all things Parton…..Dollywood! If you love Dolly Parton like I love Dolly Parton……this is a trip that you can’t pass up!
Until next time….class dismissed!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Heading to the Smokies!
As I write this, I am getting ready to head down to Gatlinburg in order for Lisa and I to celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary. Our anniversary is actually on Saturday, May 17th, but we are going to Gatlinburg next week because we are still finishing up the last few moments of school. Hey…you gotta’ do what you gotta’ do.
I have been to Gatlinburg several times, but I still enjoy visiting that area. For one thing, there is some beautiful scenery. All of those fine discount malls and fabulous restaurants. Oh….and I guess that the Smoky Mountains aren’t too bad either. To each their own!
For some reason, Lisa and I have this strange compulsion to ride the Gatlinburg sky-lift each year that we go. One of our walls is cluttered with framed photos of us squeezed into one of those little compartments, dangling thousands of feet in the air over the Great Smokies. We will definitely take our picture this time also in order to see how much we have aged over the past 16 years together. Actually, it has been great. I couldn’t ask for a better wife!
If you have never ridden on a sky-lift, let me describe it to you. First of all, there is a thin, little wire connected to several spindly little poles that look as though they could fall at any minute. These cables are attached to tiny little compartments, barely big enough to hold a mouse. Naturally, Lisa and I feel compelled to squeeze ourselves into one of these little death traps and hover over the jagged rocks of certain doom. Did I forget to add that we also want to have our pictures taken during this process? Oh….the joys of being a tourist!
The first time that I got on the sky-lift in Gatlinburg, I wasn’t too concerned. I had been on the one at Natural Bridge plenty of times. However, there is something sort of unnerving about having one thin bar sitting between me and certain death. Whenever I am on one of those things, I am always imagining what I will do if the cable breaks. Well…I guess that I would scream….and fall….and probably break every bone in my body. Other than that….I don’t think that I would be able to do much else. The most that I could hope for is to land in one of those “clear, refreshing streams” that run through Gatlinburg. Then I could be carried away by the rushing tide and drown. At least I would drown in clean mountain waters.
I have stated in the past that I have a very active imagination. It is always lurking there in the back of my mind, waiting to pounce. I am sure that it will be no different this weekend. As you can see, it is already starting to awaken. Sort of like the rabid black bear that will probably claw at my legs as they dangle inches above its foaming snout as I ride tranquilly through the Smokies.
Naturally, I am joking (mostly) when I talk about this. Other than the threat of a certain and painful death, the ride on the sky-lift is very enjoyable. There is the crisp mountain air, the beautiful scenery, and the hot chocolate that awaits at the top of the mountain. If you love nature and being outdoors, there is nothing like the view of the Smoky Mountains from this ride. I am always hoping that I will catch a glimpse of Dolly Parton running through the hills, but I haven’t had any luck so far. I thought that I saw her once, but it was just a UDO…and Unidentified Dolly-like Object. Oh well….maybe this time!
So, I will go with my little tourist dollars and ride my little tourist ride and get my little tourist picture. What other joys in life are there anyway? Unless you count cake….anniversary cake is pretty dang good! Until next time….class dismissed.
I have been to Gatlinburg several times, but I still enjoy visiting that area. For one thing, there is some beautiful scenery. All of those fine discount malls and fabulous restaurants. Oh….and I guess that the Smoky Mountains aren’t too bad either. To each their own!
For some reason, Lisa and I have this strange compulsion to ride the Gatlinburg sky-lift each year that we go. One of our walls is cluttered with framed photos of us squeezed into one of those little compartments, dangling thousands of feet in the air over the Great Smokies. We will definitely take our picture this time also in order to see how much we have aged over the past 16 years together. Actually, it has been great. I couldn’t ask for a better wife!
If you have never ridden on a sky-lift, let me describe it to you. First of all, there is a thin, little wire connected to several spindly little poles that look as though they could fall at any minute. These cables are attached to tiny little compartments, barely big enough to hold a mouse. Naturally, Lisa and I feel compelled to squeeze ourselves into one of these little death traps and hover over the jagged rocks of certain doom. Did I forget to add that we also want to have our pictures taken during this process? Oh….the joys of being a tourist!
The first time that I got on the sky-lift in Gatlinburg, I wasn’t too concerned. I had been on the one at Natural Bridge plenty of times. However, there is something sort of unnerving about having one thin bar sitting between me and certain death. Whenever I am on one of those things, I am always imagining what I will do if the cable breaks. Well…I guess that I would scream….and fall….and probably break every bone in my body. Other than that….I don’t think that I would be able to do much else. The most that I could hope for is to land in one of those “clear, refreshing streams” that run through Gatlinburg. Then I could be carried away by the rushing tide and drown. At least I would drown in clean mountain waters.
I have stated in the past that I have a very active imagination. It is always lurking there in the back of my mind, waiting to pounce. I am sure that it will be no different this weekend. As you can see, it is already starting to awaken. Sort of like the rabid black bear that will probably claw at my legs as they dangle inches above its foaming snout as I ride tranquilly through the Smokies.
Naturally, I am joking (mostly) when I talk about this. Other than the threat of a certain and painful death, the ride on the sky-lift is very enjoyable. There is the crisp mountain air, the beautiful scenery, and the hot chocolate that awaits at the top of the mountain. If you love nature and being outdoors, there is nothing like the view of the Smoky Mountains from this ride. I am always hoping that I will catch a glimpse of Dolly Parton running through the hills, but I haven’t had any luck so far. I thought that I saw her once, but it was just a UDO…and Unidentified Dolly-like Object. Oh well….maybe this time!
So, I will go with my little tourist dollars and ride my little tourist ride and get my little tourist picture. What other joys in life are there anyway? Unless you count cake….anniversary cake is pretty dang good! Until next time….class dismissed.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Ruby 12
Practice makes perfect. It is a cliché, but everyone knows that it is the truth. When the body or mind is placed in times of trial, it is the practice that allows it work without thinking….do without knowing. When Ruby had turned 12, her father had insisted that she learn how to shoot a gun. Every day they had practiced with an old shotgun of his….setting up old cans and shooting them over. Every day, her aim would get a little better. Now….that practice would pay off.
As the vision around her melted, Ruby realized that she was still in Gran’s basement. She had not been back at the bar. And she hadn’t been speaking to her boss or to Joe. It was the creature. It had been trying to fool her…to trick her into putting down the one thing that could stop it…..the gun. Now, as the image of her boss melted away and the reality of the creature appeared before her, Ruby’s body acted on its own.
Without thinking (because thinking was impossible when faced with the horror of the shadow), Ruby’s arm flew up…making perfect aim. Without thinking (because she was screaming too loudly and too fiercely), Ruby’s finger found the sweet spot that would make the bullet go exactly where it needed to travel. And for one brief moment, the air around her was filled with the scent of baking cinnamon buns….and was that chocolate chip cookies? And then, with a flash, her finger pulled the trigger.
The creature had leapt toward her…fangs and claws exposed…thirsty for her blood. In that instant, a shot of blue fire leapt from the pistol and made its way across the room, lighting up the darkness. With a whoosh, the fire enveloped the creature in a cocoon of blue flame.
All along the monster had been trying to get Ruby to drop the gun. All along the shadow of evil had been trying to trick Ruby into letting go of her one hope. Now…with the power that it had held dispersed…the gun fell from her hand. A large metallic clank rang out…but it was drowned out from the screeches of the writhing horror. As Ruby stared in horror, the creature changed shape.
First, it was a large spider…fangs dripping with deadly poison. Then, it was a bat….its large, leathery wings burnt and ruined beyond the ability to fly. Then it was Joe….screaming and reaching toward her. She even saw herself….her hair burnt from her head…her eyes boiling in their sockets. And then, with one final surge of cold heat….the flames erupted into one brief bright flash. Ruby shielded her eyes.
When she was able to look again, the creature was gone….the fire was gone…and the danger was gone. Ruby felt wetness running down her face and was alarmed that she might be bleeding. She wiped at her cheeks….and realized….she was crying. Seeing the darkness…..the true evil of the creature….had broken something inside of her. She knew that she would never be the same person again….but somehow she knew that it wasn’t such a bad thing.
Still crying, she turned and headed back toward the stairs which led upstairs. The door creaked open and a familiar face appeared.
“Ruby?” Gran asked, “You okay down there darlin’? We heard an awful racket.”
“Yes Gran,” Ruby said, “It’s fine….it’s all going to be alright.”
And it was going to be alright….Ruby could feel it. But she also felt at the back of her mind that her world would never be “alright” again. She knew that she would never be able to walk into a dark room again….never be able to take a long walk in the woods by herself….and never be able to fully trust her own eyes again.
And the boy. She didn’t even want to think about what was going to happen to him. She knew that something bad had happened to his mom….she had gotten that much out of him. But she knew what she had to do.
But for the moment, she was safe…they were all safe. But for how long…..how long before another creature of darkness came into her life? That she could not answer….all that she knew was that in that final flash of light before the creature of darkness had vanished, she had seen a vision. In the flames had been a strange sight indeed….the Pillsbury Dough Boy. He had been holding a picture…of the boy. His eyes had been bleeding. And he had only spoken two words. “Protect him.”
And that was exactly what Ruby planned on doing. She reached the stairs and then suddenly turned. Without thinking…without speaking…she suddenly turned and walked back across the basement floor. With one swoop, she reached down and grasped the pistol which was lying on the floor. She felt that she was going to need it…and soon.
The sun was starting to shine on a new day. And unlike all the other days before it, Ruby felt alive.
As the vision around her melted, Ruby realized that she was still in Gran’s basement. She had not been back at the bar. And she hadn’t been speaking to her boss or to Joe. It was the creature. It had been trying to fool her…to trick her into putting down the one thing that could stop it…..the gun. Now, as the image of her boss melted away and the reality of the creature appeared before her, Ruby’s body acted on its own.
Without thinking (because thinking was impossible when faced with the horror of the shadow), Ruby’s arm flew up…making perfect aim. Without thinking (because she was screaming too loudly and too fiercely), Ruby’s finger found the sweet spot that would make the bullet go exactly where it needed to travel. And for one brief moment, the air around her was filled with the scent of baking cinnamon buns….and was that chocolate chip cookies? And then, with a flash, her finger pulled the trigger.
The creature had leapt toward her…fangs and claws exposed…thirsty for her blood. In that instant, a shot of blue fire leapt from the pistol and made its way across the room, lighting up the darkness. With a whoosh, the fire enveloped the creature in a cocoon of blue flame.
All along the monster had been trying to get Ruby to drop the gun. All along the shadow of evil had been trying to trick Ruby into letting go of her one hope. Now…with the power that it had held dispersed…the gun fell from her hand. A large metallic clank rang out…but it was drowned out from the screeches of the writhing horror. As Ruby stared in horror, the creature changed shape.
First, it was a large spider…fangs dripping with deadly poison. Then, it was a bat….its large, leathery wings burnt and ruined beyond the ability to fly. Then it was Joe….screaming and reaching toward her. She even saw herself….her hair burnt from her head…her eyes boiling in their sockets. And then, with one final surge of cold heat….the flames erupted into one brief bright flash. Ruby shielded her eyes.
When she was able to look again, the creature was gone….the fire was gone…and the danger was gone. Ruby felt wetness running down her face and was alarmed that she might be bleeding. She wiped at her cheeks….and realized….she was crying. Seeing the darkness…..the true evil of the creature….had broken something inside of her. She knew that she would never be the same person again….but somehow she knew that it wasn’t such a bad thing.
Still crying, she turned and headed back toward the stairs which led upstairs. The door creaked open and a familiar face appeared.
“Ruby?” Gran asked, “You okay down there darlin’? We heard an awful racket.”
“Yes Gran,” Ruby said, “It’s fine….it’s all going to be alright.”
And it was going to be alright….Ruby could feel it. But she also felt at the back of her mind that her world would never be “alright” again. She knew that she would never be able to walk into a dark room again….never be able to take a long walk in the woods by herself….and never be able to fully trust her own eyes again.
And the boy. She didn’t even want to think about what was going to happen to him. She knew that something bad had happened to his mom….she had gotten that much out of him. But she knew what she had to do.
But for the moment, she was safe…they were all safe. But for how long…..how long before another creature of darkness came into her life? That she could not answer….all that she knew was that in that final flash of light before the creature of darkness had vanished, she had seen a vision. In the flames had been a strange sight indeed….the Pillsbury Dough Boy. He had been holding a picture…of the boy. His eyes had been bleeding. And he had only spoken two words. “Protect him.”
And that was exactly what Ruby planned on doing. She reached the stairs and then suddenly turned. Without thinking…without speaking…she suddenly turned and walked back across the basement floor. With one swoop, she reached down and grasped the pistol which was lying on the floor. She felt that she was going to need it…and soon.
The sun was starting to shine on a new day. And unlike all the other days before it, Ruby felt alive.
Ruby 11
“Ruby!”
She looked up at the sharp voice, her mind whirling as people darted all around her. It was her boss…Ted Andrews. He was standing behind the bar…and not looking too happy at that. She looked around at the confusion of people, staggering around in their own little drunken world.
“Are you going to put that phone down and get to work,” Ted asked her, wiping the fingerprints off of a glass before filling it with the cheap beer he kept on tap that brought in all the local alcoholics, “I’m not paying you to just stand around.”
“Ss..ss..sorry,” she stammered, shaking her head. Hadn’t she just been somewhere else? She could have sworn that she was at Gran’s. Or had she just been thinking about going to Gran’s? And why was she holding her cell phone? Who was she calling?
“Hey Ruby!” a friendly voice called out to her.
She turned and was pleased to see Joe waving to her from his usual place at the pool table in the back. She smiled…still a little confused. She was pleased to see Joe. But something wasn’t right. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.
Walking over to Joe, she shook her head. She seemed like she was in a fog. She tried to focus on the people moving around her, but they seemed to be going in fast forward while she was stuck in slow motion. So instead, she focused on Joe. He smiled and waved her on over.
“Hey Joe,” she leaned in for a quick kiss, looking back toward Ted. He didn’t like her to get too friendly with the customers while she was working. Ted was still hard at work….cleaning another glass of fingerprints.
“Where you been girl?” Joe asked her, leaning over and knocking a ball into the far pocket. He was so good at this game! She herself was just a clumsy oaf when it came to pool…but she loved to watch Joe when he played.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’ve been waiting for you all night,” Joe asked, “I was getting’ lonely. Why don’t you put down that phone you’re holding and we can play a little pool.”
“I…I can’t Joe,” she said, “I’m working right now. Ted would kill me if I just took a break….especially now. This place is packed. I really need to get back to work. I’ll talk to you later though…okay?”
Joe nodded and leaned over to make his next play. He didn’t say anything else. Ruby thought it was rather odd. She walked back over to the bar. People were still buzzing wildly around her. She tried to see if anyone needed drinks, but she couldn’t quite make out anyone’s face. It was almost as if everyone was standing in the shadows. She saw that Ted was still cleaning glasses. How many dang glasses did he have to clean anyway?
He looked up at her and scowled.
“I thought that I said that you needed to get to work,” he growled, “Put that snake down and get some drink orders!”
Snake? Ruby looked down and gasped with horror. Instead of a phone, she was holding a wriggling, squirming rattlesnake! It was hissing and spitting and striking at her arm. She let out a scream and almost dropped it…but something in the back of her mind suddenly kicked in. Don’t let go of that thing girl….or you are as good as dead!
“RUBY!” a voice bellowed from the back.
She turned. There was Joe again. Only this time he wasn’t smiling and playing pool. This time….he was crouched on top of the pool table. Instead of a cue, he was holding a ball. Only it wasn’t a ball….it was a human head. With a howl, Joe threw the head toward her. It landed on the floor at her feet.
With a low moan, Ruby saw that the head was Gran’s. As it came to rest at her feet, the eyes flew open. They were staring right at her….burning with hate. Gran’s mouth flew open and a shriek filled the air.
Ruby screamed and turned back to Ted. He was right behind her. His mouth opened….wider and wider until it seemed to split his head into two separate pieces. His tongue wagged wildly out of his mouth and his hot, rancid breath hit her in the face. She gagged from the stench.
“I….SAID….TO….PUT….THAT….THING…..DOWN!” he yelled.
Until next week….class dismissed.
She looked up at the sharp voice, her mind whirling as people darted all around her. It was her boss…Ted Andrews. He was standing behind the bar…and not looking too happy at that. She looked around at the confusion of people, staggering around in their own little drunken world.
“Are you going to put that phone down and get to work,” Ted asked her, wiping the fingerprints off of a glass before filling it with the cheap beer he kept on tap that brought in all the local alcoholics, “I’m not paying you to just stand around.”
“Ss..ss..sorry,” she stammered, shaking her head. Hadn’t she just been somewhere else? She could have sworn that she was at Gran’s. Or had she just been thinking about going to Gran’s? And why was she holding her cell phone? Who was she calling?
“Hey Ruby!” a friendly voice called out to her.
She turned and was pleased to see Joe waving to her from his usual place at the pool table in the back. She smiled…still a little confused. She was pleased to see Joe. But something wasn’t right. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.
Walking over to Joe, she shook her head. She seemed like she was in a fog. She tried to focus on the people moving around her, but they seemed to be going in fast forward while she was stuck in slow motion. So instead, she focused on Joe. He smiled and waved her on over.
“Hey Joe,” she leaned in for a quick kiss, looking back toward Ted. He didn’t like her to get too friendly with the customers while she was working. Ted was still hard at work….cleaning another glass of fingerprints.
“Where you been girl?” Joe asked her, leaning over and knocking a ball into the far pocket. He was so good at this game! She herself was just a clumsy oaf when it came to pool…but she loved to watch Joe when he played.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’ve been waiting for you all night,” Joe asked, “I was getting’ lonely. Why don’t you put down that phone you’re holding and we can play a little pool.”
“I…I can’t Joe,” she said, “I’m working right now. Ted would kill me if I just took a break….especially now. This place is packed. I really need to get back to work. I’ll talk to you later though…okay?”
Joe nodded and leaned over to make his next play. He didn’t say anything else. Ruby thought it was rather odd. She walked back over to the bar. People were still buzzing wildly around her. She tried to see if anyone needed drinks, but she couldn’t quite make out anyone’s face. It was almost as if everyone was standing in the shadows. She saw that Ted was still cleaning glasses. How many dang glasses did he have to clean anyway?
He looked up at her and scowled.
“I thought that I said that you needed to get to work,” he growled, “Put that snake down and get some drink orders!”
Snake? Ruby looked down and gasped with horror. Instead of a phone, she was holding a wriggling, squirming rattlesnake! It was hissing and spitting and striking at her arm. She let out a scream and almost dropped it…but something in the back of her mind suddenly kicked in. Don’t let go of that thing girl….or you are as good as dead!
“RUBY!” a voice bellowed from the back.
She turned. There was Joe again. Only this time he wasn’t smiling and playing pool. This time….he was crouched on top of the pool table. Instead of a cue, he was holding a ball. Only it wasn’t a ball….it was a human head. With a howl, Joe threw the head toward her. It landed on the floor at her feet.
With a low moan, Ruby saw that the head was Gran’s. As it came to rest at her feet, the eyes flew open. They were staring right at her….burning with hate. Gran’s mouth flew open and a shriek filled the air.
Ruby screamed and turned back to Ted. He was right behind her. His mouth opened….wider and wider until it seemed to split his head into two separate pieces. His tongue wagged wildly out of his mouth and his hot, rancid breath hit her in the face. She gagged from the stench.
“I….SAID….TO….PUT….THAT….THING…..DOWN!” he yelled.
Until next week….class dismissed.
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