The 28th Annual Kentucky Book Fair!

I Love the Smell of Fresh Ink in the Morning

On Saturday, November 7th, I had the honor of being one of the authors at this year's Kentucky Book Fair. Held in Frankfort, KY at the Convention Center, this was the 28th year of this great homage to Kentucky literature. It is great that authors and artists have a venue such as this in order to showcase their work. Of course, it benefits libraries throughout the state because several grants to public and school libraries are funded by the Kentucky Book Fair.

Arriving at the Convention Center bright and early Saturday morning, I was at least confident in where I would be sitting. My wife, Lisa, had helped me drop off my books on the previous day. I knew that they would be waiting for me...my children of words. Okay...I don't want to get too overdramatic. But then again, I'm an author...so I guess that I am entitled to a little bit of melodrama. Anyway, I walked confidently into the place where I would be spending my day and tried to look like I knew what I was doing.

I was the first to arrive at my table. Already there were people starting to wander about, looking at books and checking their personal shopping lists. I wondered if I was on any of those lists. I sat down and took out my favorite book-signing pen. I was all prepared.

Within minutes, I was joined by my first table-mate. I felt at ease when I saw a friendly face and warm, welcoming smile. Her name was Anne Shelby, and she was quick to point out that we were going to become friends whether we wanted to or not...considering the close quarters and all. We introduced ourselves to each other. It was as though we had known each other all of our lives. We got along so well together. I guess it was the sense of common backgrounds. Her husband is Edmund Shelby, the editor of the Beattyville Enterprise. She was signing several of her books. Her newest one is called The Man Who Lived in a Hollow Tree which is a lovely picture book based on an old Appalachian legend.

Soon we were joined by our third tenant for the day. Her name was Alycia Davidson. Her book, The Grave of the Fireflies, was written for teenage readers, although anyone could enjoy it. The story involves mythical creatures and treasure! The cover of this book was just beautiful. It sounds like a great read!

So we sat. We were our own little version of the Three Musketeers. Luckily, we all got along just fine. For a minute, however, I was slightly worried that not too many of my books would sell. There were several authors at the event, and with the economy being in the slump, there is only so much money to go around. What if I sat there and didn't sell one book? Of course, I was just honored to attend the event. But still...

My worries were soon alleviated when the book buyers began to snatch up volumes left and right. The best thing about being at a book fair is that the entire place is filled with people who love books. I don't have a whole lot of competition in my genre of choice, children's poetry (sort of offbeat and wacky children's poetry!). So I was quite pleased to have several of my books purchased throughout the day. I can honestly say that I was very pleased with the amount of books that I was able to get into the hands of the reading public. I hope that they enjoy reading my book as much as I enjoyed writing and illustrating it.

During the day, two events were very meaningful to me. One of these was when a woman from the University of Kentucky came by with a list and stopped by my table. She asked me to sign a copy of my book for the UK Appalachian Studies room. I was so honored! Little did I know that she would return about thirty minutes later with another list. This time, she purchased a copy of all three of our books at our table. These were for the children's section at the UK library!

Another event began when Anne Shelby, the wonderful author I spoke about earlier, sold a copy of her book to someone who stated that they had come to the book fair with her book in mind. After they left, she said that it always felt good when someone told her that. Well...wouldn't you know. About an hour later, someone came up to our table and asked for a copy of my book. They said that my book was on their list of books that they just had to purchase! I was on someone's list! After they left, I turned to Mrs. Shelby and said, "Now I know what you were talking about!" It felt great to be on someone's agenda for the day.

During the day, I was able to meet lots of other great authors and illustrators. I was delighted to speak with Linda Hager Pack who wrote the book A is for Appalachia. I informed her that this book was on prominent display in the library at LBJ Elementary. She was very pleased. I was also able to meet Silas House. He is a very well-known and talented author who wrote a fantastic book called The Coal Tattoo as well as several others. He was signing copies of his books, including his newest novel Eli the Good. It was an honor to meet these great Kentucky authors.

As I packed up my materials and made my way out of the Convention Center at the end of the day, I made sure to speak with Mrs. Connie Crowe. She is the coordinator for the entire event. I informed her that the fair had been amazing. She was pleased and told me that she hoped to see me again next year. I have the same hopes! It was great to meet and speak with people who have similar interests and who value literature and reading.

I will look back on this event with great fondness for many years to come. Although I have attended other book signings in the past and will hopefully attend many more in the future, none will ever be able to measure up to the feeling of attending my very first Kentucky Book Fair.

Until next week...class dismissed!

My Mom Playing the Appalachian Jaw Harp!

Trick or Treat!

Lisa and I visited with our friends, Rod and Corrinna Middleton in Morehead. We went trick or treating with them and their little girl Hailey. She was the perfect witch! We all had a great time!

A Perfect Day....a Perfect View!

Lisa and I went to Whitesburg. The day was a perfect late October day. The temperature was warm...in the low 70's...for this time of year, and the sun was shining a friendly face down upon us. We drove up in the hills toward Kingdom Come State Park. Along the way, we stopped to enjoy the view. It was like our own little personal paradise....with nobody else around. What a great day!

We ate lunch at the Pine Mountain Grill. The soup bean dinner is a winner! Soup beans, cornbread, fried "taters," onions, and tomato slices! Yum yum! Lisa enjoyed their delicious salad bar and a club sandwich.

Cooking Up Soup....and Pumpkin Cake!

The last couple weeks of October have been great here in the Fugate household. To start off with, we have been using our new "Julia Childs" pot to cook lots of yummy soups. Mom and Dad gave me a nice butternut squash....and I used it to make a great butternut squash soup.


First, I roasted the squash in the oven...

After roasting, it looked like this....

Then, I melted some butter...yes, real butter...in the pan.

And then, I added onion, carrots, and the roasted squash in a mixture of vegetable and chicken stock. After cooking, I pureed the mixture to make it smooth.

The final ingredients were added....nutmeg, white pepper, and half 'n half. I stirred it with my wooden mixing spoon....and there was the perfect roasted butternut squash soup! This soup was great with corn muffins!

A week later.....we made a big pot of vegetable soup in our "Julia Pot" and it was GREAT!

And Lisa made the best cake! It is called a Pumpkin Spice Cake! It had homemade buttercream icing and pecan halves on top....with drizzles of caramel. Delicious!

Soup and Baptisms

Wow! What a whirlwind the last few weeks have been! Sometimes it seems like life comes at you from all sides, and you don't really know which way to turn. So you just do your best and hope that it is good enough.

First of all, I have been very fortunate to have my book, Pumpkin Guts, Tater Eyes, and Other Tasty Treats, chosen for this year's Kentucky Book Fair. I was so excited to be invited as one of the featured authors at this year's event. The Kentucky Book Fair is held each year in Frankfort to showcase the year's new and best literature in Kentucky. The reading public gets to come and meet their favorite authors and get copies of their books signed.

But the best part is that the profits that are made by the Kentucky Book Fair go to help public and school libraries in the state of Kentucky. I am so honored to be able to help school libraries in my state. This is especially true since I am a teacher. I only want what is best for the schools. Did you know that SMS received a grant for $800 from the Kentucky Book Fair last year? That is great! If you all can make it to the fair on November 7th in Frankfort....I would love to see you there! Stop by my table and I will sign a copy of my book for you!

Another good event in my life is the fact that my dad, Lonzo Fugate, got baptized last weekend. Honestly, I never thought that I would see the day. However, he started attending church services with my mom a few years ago. Now he has taken it to the next step. Mom and Dad go to Eldon Miller's church. Eldon was the one who baptized my dad. I am very proud of both my parents and wish them all the happiness!

In case you haven't read my article before, my wife Lisa and I are still in the process of trying to adopt. We have had our papers in to adopt for almost 2 years now. Our program is through Children's Hope International. We are trying to adopt from Vietnam because we feel that we are meant to do this. Unfortunately, the Vietnam program has shut down for the moment. The United States and Vietnam are still trying to work things out. Meanwhile, the orphanages in Vietnam are overflowing with unwanted babies.

It just breaks my heart that Lisa and I are able to give a child a good and decent home environment but are unable to do so because of politics. We have everything for the baby. We already have two cribs, changing table, high chair, tons of clothes in all possible sizes, stacks of baby toys, and a variety of bibs, rattles, bottles, etc. We even bought a minivan! LOL! It is like...everything you need...just insert baby. Now, we play the waiting game. It looks like things may open up sometime in late 2010. Until then, we just wait...and wait...and make sure that our paperwork doesn't expire.

Finally, Lisa and I have been doing a lot of home cooking lately. A couple months ago, we went to see the movie Julie and Julia. Well, being the nuts that we are...lol...we went and bought Julia Child's book, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Well, of course, we also had to have a Dutch oven to cook in...red and white...just like Julia's. And we have been trying out different recipes. We have made...so far....potato and leek soup, beans, vegetable soup, and chili. This weekend, I tried another Julia Child recipe...cream of butternut squash soup.

I had a nice, fat butternut squash that Mom and Dad gave me. I roasted it in the oven until the skin just popped right off. The flesh was nice and tasty....the roasting brought out the sweetness of the squash. Next, I combined onion, carrots, and squash with butter in my Dutch oven. I cooked them until the onions started to turn soft. Then I added both chicken and vegetable stock. The soup cooked for 30 minutes until all was soft. Then, I puréed it and added half 'n half, white pepper, and nutmeg.

The soup was very warming...the spices really added a kick. I served it along with corn muffins in the nice Longaberger soup bowls that I ordered off of Connie Hale. She sells the best Longaberger in the world! I invited Mom, Dad, and Uncle Robert to lunch. I liked it...and I think Mom liked it. I wasn't too sure about Uncle Robert or Dad. Lisa said that she did NOT like it...but she doesn't like cream of anything soup...LOL. Oh well....better luck next time!

I will close this article with a thought. If you don't do your best and fail....you've truly failed. If you do your best....you may not succeed....but you will never fail.

Until next time...class dismissed!

In winter I am content
To watch the snowflakes float and swirl
And try to catch them on my tongue
A twisting private Tilt-o-Whirl.

A filtered fair of snow and ice
Awakening both hopes and fears
I count my tickets carefully
And spend them slowly through the years.

Fog

Staring into the swirling fog
A mist of timeless eternity,
I place my eyes on distant places
of memories
and cats
and tops.

The mindless mist envelopes me.
I lose myself in memory.
And try to find the road again
And hope to find the way.

Dark as Coal, Part Eight...and the end of this little tale.

Mary froze as Walter slowly made his way toward her. At least, the creature had once been her husband. Now, it was just a slobbering pile of tubes, quivering greedily in her direction. Tubes full of sharp teeth. Drool and blood were dripping from the fangs of the beast as it drew closer. Mary didn't have to ask where the blood had come from. She had just witnessed it eating the remains of some other poor soul.

"Help!" she screamed out. At least...that is what she wanted to do. But she could do little more than make a whimper. The black stare of the monster froze her in her tracks and made any voluntary muscle movement impossible. A tear of fright ran down her left cheek. She didn't want to die! Not like this!

She looked at what had once been her loving husband and sent all the love that she had left inside toward him. She took a deep breath and managed to croak out three simple words.

"I love you," she whispered.

A tube that ran out of Walter's ears latched onto her arm, digging its way inside. She felt the searing pain and heard a spatter as her blood began to flow onto the floor. She sensed other tubes whisking their way to the floor to greedily lap it up. Another tube, this one running from Walter's mouth, drew back...and prepared to impale her face. She tried to close her eyes...but couldn't. She didn't want to see what was about to happen to her...but she couldn't do anything about it.

And then...the beast stopped. The tubes fell limply to the floor. The one that was digging its way into her arm pulled out with a pop and another sharp wave of pain that shot up her arm and into her chest. She found that she was free....and she cried out in pain and clutched her arm, trying to stop the gush of blood.

The creature shook its head viloently. Blood and snot flew everywhere. And then, it let out a roar that seemed to come from its guts.

"Noooooo," it bellowed, a deep angry voice that mixed with Walter's voice, "Not her......never herrrrrr. Nooooooo."

"Oh Walter," she cried out, wanting to go to him...hug him...but not daring to take one step in either direction, "I love you Walter."

And then the demonic monster looked at her with eyes...eyes as black as coal...and for one brief moment, she saw Walter looking out of those eyes.

"And....and I...." it tried to form words around the drooling tubes that hung lifelessly out of its mouth, "I....luff...youuuuuuu."

And with another screech, it turned and raced to a door at the back of the stairwell. Mary found that she could move again, and for one moment, fought the urge to run away in blind panic. But then she realized that she had to follow the beast...had to find out what was going to happen to Walter...her Walter.

"Walter!" she cried out. "Wait!"

She didn't really know what to do. She just knew that Walter was still in there...still alive. She followed the bellows of rage and pain...and the trail of gooey, bloody ooze down another set of stairs behind the door that Walter had darted through. These steps led down....down into the dark basement of the hospital.

Every instinct in her body was telling her to turn around...to get out...to escape. And still she ran after the monster that was also her husband.

It was so hot in the basement. And steamy. The hospital was old...and it heated the place with steam. Of course that the basement would be hot....they had a huge boiler that was powered by....

And then she knew...knew where Walter was going. Knew what he would want to do. She cried out and ran after him even faster.

"Walter! NO!" she screamed, "There must be some other way. We can fight this! We can get you some help. Walter please! Listen to me!"

She turned a sharp corner and saw that it was already too late. Walter was standing in front of the large furnace that powered the hospital's boiler. He had pried the door open with his many tubes...searing the ends of several of them. The smell of rotten, burnt flesh hung heavy in the air.

Mary stopped. Crying she held out her arms toward Walter...but she knew....deep down inside, she knew that it was too late.

The horror which had once been the man she loved turned to look at her one last time. Mary saw one large, black tear run down his face. Then with a scream of pain, Walter flung himself into the furnace...using one of the tubes to pull the door shut behind him.

The flames of the furnace shot up....licking hungrily at their new prey. Mary watched in shock as it began to burn. The parts that were still a little bit Walter seemed to melt away....leaving a mass of tentacles and teeth behind. The creature screeched in pain and tried to claw its way out of the fire. But a creature born in coal didn't stand much of a chance. Like coal, it burned hot and true...and in a matter of mere seconds...the creature exploded in a fireball of light and heat. Mary raised her arms to shield her face and felt small blisters start to form on the tender, underside of her arms. She blinked several times to get riid of the afterimage that had burned itself onto her retinas. And then she looked back at the furnace.....the empty furnace. Walter was gone.

***

Two days later, the rains began. It was a dry time of year and everyone was welcome of the rain. It would be good for the wells. Plus, it would wash away some of the dust and smoke that had been lingering in the air recently. Large black flumes of smoke had belched out of the hospitals furnace a couple of day before...and had been hanging in the air....acrid and strong.

Karen Thronsburg was making a sandwich when the rain started. At first she was overjoyed as the rain pelted her kitchen window. And then she saw them...her two little girls playing outside in the rain. But no...they weren't playing. They were just standing there.

"Dang it if they aren't the stupidest girls ever," Karen muttered angrily to herself, "I sometimes wish I didn't have kids...so much trouble."

She stomped out on the porch, "Kelly! Beth! GET OVER HERE NOW! What are you doing out in this mess! And don't even think of coming in the house all wet like that! I don't clean all day just for you two to make a big...."

And then she stopped. She stopped because there was something wrong with her little girls...her little girls who had been standing in the rain when it began to fall...through the thick black clouds of smoke that sitll hung in the air from the hospital furnace.

Their eyes! Oh God! Their eyes were as black as coal. And tubes were starting to sprout from their little mouths...from their ears....nose.....even their skin.

And then they spoke...in unison...

"I'm hungry."

They both began to walk toward their mother. She couldn't move.

Until next week....class dismissed!

Dark as Coal, Part Seven

Mary Jones was walking with Jesus. They were at the mall, and Jesus was going on and on about the sale on jeans at the Gap. Mary thought this was really weird. When did Jesus start wearing jeans? But Mary was nice enough not to say anything. He was the Lord, after all.

They stopped off at Drinks N Things for a slushie. Mary got a blueberry. Jesus just got a water…but then turned his into a cherry slushie afterwards. Then he turned to Mary.

“Listen to me Mary,” he said, “There is something wrong with Walter.”

“What do you mean?” Mary asked. Only now, she wasn’t talking to Jesus anymore. She was talking to a life-size Pillsbury Dough Boy. He was slurping his cherry slushie down so fast that it was dribbling a red stain down his chest.

“You know what I mean,” the Dough Boy said, “He isn’t Walter anymore. He’s….well…let’s just say that he is something else. Walter is still in there…for the moment. But the other one is getting stronger.”

“The other one….and who would that be,” Mary asked.

“You know,” the Dough Boy said, “He has been called many names…but has no true name. The One Who Has No Name.”

And then he pointed off into the distance. Mary was suddenly aware that they weren’t in a mall anymore. They were in a corn field. And in the distance she saw a dark, twisting shape that was full of teeth and long stringing tubes. Gurgling loudly, it started making its way hungrily toward her. Startled, she looked back over to the Dough Boy. He was gone. So was Jesus.

It was just her….all alone…with the Beast. Sharp teeth touched her arm.

With a jolt, Mary awoke. Disoriented from the dream, she didn’t know where she was for a moment. And then she realized that she was still in the hospital, next to Walter’s bed. Walter’s empty bed. He was gone! While she had slept, Walter had gotten up and walked off!

Suddenly alarmed, she jumped up and ran out into the hallway. Where could he have gone? Why?

Nobody was in the hallway. She hadn’t half expected there to be anyone, but her heart still sank. Running past the nurses’ station, she heard the phone ringing off the hook and realized that the night nurse hadn’t shown up yet. I wonder where she is, Mary thought as she continued scanning the hallways and doors for Walter.

People, tired and haggard looking from lack of sleep, turned to look at her as she ran from doorway to doorway. They probably thought that she was crazy. Let them. Maybe she was a little crazy. It was that dream. That crazy dream. What had caused that? Probably that nasty hospital cafeteria lasagna that she had had earlier. Her stomach churned at the thought.
Yet still, there was no sign of Walter.

“Dear God,” she prayed, “Please…please help me find him. Help me find my Walter.”

Taking a sharp corner, she passed a security guard who gave her a strange look.

“Can I help you ma’am?” he asked, absent-mindedly reaching for his club. He didn’t want to take any chances with this wild-looking woman.

“My husband,” Mary managed to croak out in a voice so raspy that even she was shocked at its sound, “I can’t find my husband.”

The guard relaxed. He smiled reassuringly.

“Don’t worry ma’am,” he said, “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere. This hospital isn’t that big. Maybe he stepped outside to smoke?”

Mary didn’t bother to let him know that her husband was a patient…or that he had stopped smoking 6 years earlier. She just nodded and ran on, leaving the guard behind. He just scratched his head and shrugged.

“Females,” he muttered to himself.

As she neared the front entrance, Mary passed the stairs. On a whim, she turned and slammed through the stairway door. And there was Walter!

Only he wasn’t alone.

Her hands went to her mouth to cover her silent scream as she watched the large black tubes suck up the rest of the bloody mess that was on the floor. What looked like a finger was the last thing to go. A tube sucked it up and into Walter’s mouth. With a loud crunch, he chewed it up…bones and all…and swallowed. Then he turned to face Mary. And his eyes…..oh God…his eyes! Dark as coal…and yet alive with an inner fire!

“Delicious,” Walter hissed, his eyes reflecting the light into a million prisms of darkness.
And then he started to walk toward her, his hands stretched out grotesquely like he wanted a hug….but Mary knew better. She wanted to run but couldn’t. The eyes…they froze her in place. Even her screams wouldn’t come.

“And now…for desert,” Walter grinned with a mouthful of fangs that glistened with drool and blood.

Until next week, class dismissed!

Dark as Coal, Part Six

Megan Whitely had the shakes again. Standing outside the hospital doors, she tried to look as sick as possible…which wasn’t too hard for her to do. A bad drug habit will work wonders on a person’s body…and not in a good way. It had started with alcohol…then some good old Mary Jane…and then heroine. Now…it was whatever she could get her hands on. Usually she got them off of her boyfriend..but they had broken up. He had started to lose interest when she had started to lose her teeth.

Megan tried to control her shaking. She didn’t want to appear to be a total pill-head. But some friends of hers had had some success in scoring a pill or two at the hospital before. They had told her who to talk to…how much money to bring. There was always someone who needed a little extra cash. Not that she had much cash to give. She had stolen some off of Hank, her ex-boyfriend, just before he left. She had pawned her son’s Wii system to get the rest.

Trying to mix in with the crowd, she stole her way through the side door and made her way down the mostly empty hallway. There weren’t too many people working this late at night…just a bare bones staff. But she was looking for Chuck…the night janitor. According to her friends, he was always good for a little “pick me up.” And she really needed picking up right now. Where could he be?

She rounded the corner and saw a security guard walking toward her. Snaking back around the corner, she dived into the stairway. It was dim in the stairway…not all of the lights were working. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She didn’t need to be nabbed by some dumb old rent-a-cop right now. She was sure that he hadn’t seen her….she hoped.

But what if he did, she thought, he could be out there right now…calling the cops to come and get you.

“Stop it,” she muttered to herself, trying to control her breathing, “He didn’t see a thing.”

She would wait here for a few minutes just to be sure that he was gone…and then she would look for Chuck again. If she could hold out that long. She was really starting to feel sick.

Something scraped on the floor behind her.

Stifling the scream that had come tearing up from her lungs, she whirled around. The staircase ended behind her. Underneath it…there was only darkness. It had sounded like something had moved under there.

“Is there someone here?” she hissed through her missing teeth.

Nothing. Not one sound.

“Chuck?” she hoped that it was him. She could get her fix and get the heck out of this creepy place. She never realized just how spooky a hospital at night could be.

And then the darkness moved. Something…someone…came shuffling out of it toward her. It was a man…a patient. His hospital gown was flapping along behind him.

“Jeez mister,” she tried to crack a smile with her ruined mouth, “You really scared me. Are you lost?”

The man didn’t say anything. He was staring at the floor like he didn’t know where he was.

Great, she thought, an escapee from the mental ward. Just my luck. Well….I’m not getting involved. I’m getting the heck….

And then he looked up into her face…and she saw his eyes. His dark, dark eyes that burned with a cold, black fire. And she found that she couldn’t move….she couldn’t blink….couldn’t even breathe.

“I’m hungry,” the man whispered in a rough, low voice…almost a grunt. And then he started to walk toward her.

She tried to scream….but no sound came from her mouth. She couldn’t look away…even when he started to feed. But she could feel the pain…..oh God! She could feel the pain!

Large tubes streamed out of the man’s mouth and gouged themselves into her stomach….sucking and pulling. She could feel small teeth at the ends of the tubes start to eat their way into her guts…tearing and crunching.

Red pain tried to push her down to her knees…but the force of the tubes kept her upright. They jerked her body from side to side…trying to get to the juiciest parts of her insides.

Other tubes had erupted from the man’s ears. These sprang toward her and impaled her neck…right at the jugular vein. Hot blood spurted out…but not a drop touched the floor. Other tongue-like tubes sprang from the man’s skin and lapped up the drops in mid-air.

She tried to scream. The agony of being eaten alive was unbearable. A large cramp hit her as the thing continued to eat into her intestines. She smelled a stench and realized that it was her. She could smell herself being eaten. The last thing she saw was two more large tubes erupt from the man’s eyes. And then…they impaled her own eyes….eating them before continuing on to gnaw their way into her brain.

Finally….death came to her.

And still the crunching and slurping and sucking continued.

Until next week….class dismissed.

Dark as Coal, Part Five

Walter Jones was walking down a cold, dark tunnel. For a second, he thought that maybe he was still in the mine…the cave-in had trapped him…had trapped them all. But no….that couldn’t be right. He had been saved. Pulled from the mine just when he thought that all was lost, he had been so relieved to wake up in the hospital with Mary by his side.

But Mary wasn’t the first person you saw when you woke up, came a voice from his left, and you know it.

Walter’s head jerked in that direction, “Who’s there?”

But of course, there was no answer.

He tried to remember that day….the day of the cave-in. What had happened? Something about a rock wall….what had it been?

“Hey Walter!” one of the guys had yelled out, “Come and look at this!”

A bunch of them had been standing in the far back part of the mine looking at something. As Walter walked toward them, he saw that something was indeed different. The seam of coal that they had been following seemed to grow larger and larger the deeper they went. And then…it ended. And it didn’t just peter out….it ended all at once. But that wasn’t the strangest thing of all.

“What do you think it is?” one of the guys had asked…had it been Kenneth? He couldn’t remember but he thought that it might have been.

The coal ended at a large slab of rock that they had uncovered. But not just any rock.

“Would you look at that?” Walter had said, astonished at what he was looking at.

The wall was full of strange, dark carvings. At first, he thought that it might have just been one of the guys…fooling around….trying to play a prank. But this wasn’t just some random gibberish. It was different…more detailed. He had seen a show on TLC once about the ancient Mayans. On it, they had shown ancient ruins and carvings. This looked something like that. What had they discovered?

“Look down there,” Walter had said, pointing to the bottom of the wall. The writings ended…and there at the bottom was a picture of some kind. It looked like some kind of beast…not a deer or buffalo….something larger. Something with horns. Something with lots and lots of teeth. Something dark.

Walter had bent down to brush some of the coal dust from it. And as his fingers touched the rock wall…everything had gone dark…..as dark as coal.

What had happened?

Walter tried to remember. His head started to hurt. Had something fallen on his head? He reached up and touched the back of his head. His fingers brushed up against the shard of coal that was imbedded in his head. A sharp jab of pain shot through his entire cranium.

You might not want to do that, the voice beside of him came floating out of the darkness again, If you want to live..that is.

Walter closed his eyes, although he didn’t know why. It was so dark in here. And then he remembered….there had been….screams?

Yes…he was pretty sure that there had been screams….and then the ground had been shaking. And then….the screams had stopped. There had only been silence…and darkness. Had they all died in there…had he?

Now Walter…if you had died….how would you still be here? the voice whispered.

Walter groaned. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. And he didn’t want to think anymore. He didn’t want to remember….what had happened in the tunnel. How he had survived. How he had been so hungry….for so long. What he had done…

I’m hungry right now Walter, the voice slithered around him like a cold wind, It’s time to eat.

“But you just ate!” Walter cried out, “Not again..not now…it’s too soon!”

The pain in his head increased making him cry out in agony. He dropped to his knees in the darkness. I SAID….I’M HUNGRY!

And in the darkness of the hospital room, Walter’s eyes opened. If his wife Mary had been awake at the moment…she wouldn’t have been pleased…she would have been very concerned. Both of Walter’s eyes were pitch black.

“Let’s go eat,” he whispered.

Until next week….class dismissed.

Potato Soup on Sunday

Decided to make some potato soup today. I followed Julia Child's recipe from "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." I started with some diced potatoes and chopped leeks

Of course....we had to have REAL butter...LOL!

The finished product...was delicious...if I say so myself. Thanks Julia!

Shiloh...Eat there when you are in London, KY

Lisa and I went out for a drive and ended up in London, KY...LOL. We ate at Shiloh's Roadhouse. Great food...the rolls are to die for. Lisa had a baked potato and chili. I had grilled chicken, steamed veggies, and a salad. Great service too!

Sunflowers, Apples, and Family

Spent some time with Mom, Dad, and Uncle Robert. The sunflowers look great. I love sunflowers in the fall. Sassy wanted to have her picture taken...lol.

Me and Sassy

Mom and Sassy

And then I had to take a pic of Uncle Robert and Dad in the apple orchard. There was a good crop this year..but nothing like last year's crop. Still....fried apples and gravy with biscuits is GOOD!

Dark as Coal, Part Four

Mary tore into Walter’s room, sure that she would find him dead. The shrill scream had come from this room, she was sure of it. It must have been the missing night nurse. But she was surprised when she didn’t see the night nurse. She only saw Walter….and praise be! He was sitting up on the edge of his bed! He was awake.

He was staring at the floor, as if he wasn’t sure what it was. Slowly Mary walked over to him. She wasn’t sure if he would recognize her or not.

“Walter?” she asked quietly, “It’s me…Mary.”

Walter raised his head…and thank God….his eyes were both back to normal. His face was full of worry and confusion. He stared at her for a minute…and then slow recognition spread across his face. He began to smile….to smile!

“Mary?” he asked, “Oh Mary!”

And then all words were lost to her. They were hugging…and crying…and sobbing openly with loud, wordless heaves. Mary was so happy. Her Walter was back with her…and from the looks of it, he was going to be okay. Even his eye…the one which had been as dark as coal…was back as normal.

Mary finally broke free of Walter’s grasp and took his head in her hands. Giving him a quick kiss, she said, “Now Walter…you stay right here in bed. I’m going to run and grab a doctor…nurse…somebody!”

Walter nodded and lay back down on the bed. Mary turned heel and quickly sprinted out into the hallway. Where was the night nurse? Where was anyone? The nurse’s station was empty, so she ran on down the hallway. She turned the corner…and ran smack into Doctor Franklin! He took two steps back…stumbling over his paperwork he had been reading.

“Mary?” he asked with concern, “Is everything alright?”

“No…I mean yes!” she cried, “Walter! It’s Walter! He’s awake! I couldn’t find anyone so I was just running until I found someone….anyone…you!”

“Calm down,” Doctor Franklin smiled, his eyes crinkling, “If Walter is awake..that’s a good thing. Although I’m sure that Sally, the night nurse, is aware of it already.”

“That’s just it,” Mary said, taking Doctor Franklin’s hand, “I can’t find her. Please…come and look at Walter! He’s awake! He’s back to normal!”

Mary and Doctor Franklin quickly made their way back to Walter’s room. As they passed the nurse’s station, a madly ringing phone greeted them. It appeared that Sally, the night nurse, was still nowhere to be found. But Mary wasn’t concerned over some lazy nurse who had run off somewhere….probably with a janitor or intern somewhere in a supply closet! She was too worried about Walter.

For a second, she was sure that Walter was back in his coma. He was just laying there when they made their way into the room. But then, he opened his eyes…both of which were still normal…and slowly sat up.

Doctor Franklin took out his pen light and made his way over to Walter’s bed.
“Mr. Jones?” he asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Well,” Walter croaked dryly in a harsh voice, “I’ve felt better….but I have to say…I’ve felt worse.”

Mary started to cry again. Walter was back. He was back.

Doctor Franklin made Walter follow the pen light with his eyes. He checked his blood pressure. He listened to his heart. And then he checked the wound in the back of Walter’s head. Mary knew that this wasn’t just any wound. It was a jagged piece of coal that was imbedded in Walter’s head…in his brain. It would be there for the rest of his life. The doctor’s had said that Walter would have to have a piece of plastic over it to protect it when he healed up.

Doctor Franklin made Walter lay back down and then came over to speak with Mary.
“Well…as of now…he seems to be doing fine,” he said, “But I don’t want to give you a false sense of hope. His condition is still very serious. For God’s sake…he has a large piece of coal in his head…his brain! The truth is…we don’t really know what kind of effect this is going to have on him.”

“What do you mean doctor?” Mary asked.

“Just that you shouldn’t be too surprised if he goes back into a coma…or worse…at any moment,” Doctor Franklin said, “But still…he seems to be doing fine right now. Let’s just take this one day at a time. I want to run another round of tests in the morning.”

Mary nodded her agreement, and Doctor Franklin left to find Sally, the missing night nurse. Mary walked back over to Walter. He was asleep again. But it was a good sleep…a “I’m still there” sleep. Not the coma state that he had been in. Mary sat down in the chair that sat beside Walter’s bed. She wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. She would just watch him sleep.

As soon as she sat down, she felt something pinch her on her ass. She jumped up…thinking for a second that it was a misplaced needle or something. It was a ring. Bending down, she picked up the expensive-looking diamond ring that had been lying on the chair. Where had it come from? Just then, Walter mumbled in his sleep. Without thinking about anything else, Mary slipped the ring into her pocket. She would worry about it later. Right now…all that mattered was Walter.

Until next week…class dismissed.

Dark as Coal, Part Three

Mary Jones took another swig of green tea, cold and calming as it swished in her mouth and soothed her dry throat. The last three weeks had been anything but calm…and she needed all the help that she could get. Life wasn’t easy. She had always known that. But still…the blur of hospitals, doctors, tests, x-rays, and even more tests swirled in her mind, making her dizzy. So for the moment, she was holding on to her sanity by enjoying one moment of peace with her cold bottle of green tea from the hospital cafeteria.

Three weeks. It was hard to believe that the time had gone by so quickly. And still Walter was what the doctors called a “relatively mild coma.” What in the heck did that mean anyway? As far as Mary was concerned, a coma was a coma was a coma. But the doctors assured her that this was a very light state of mind….a healing state…and that Walter would most likely come out of it at any time.

She walked down the long, cold hallway. It was just past midnight, so the halls were mostly empty now….just a few haggard looking people who were here for their loved ones and the night shift. She had heard it called a skeleton crew. She shuddered. It wasn’t the best of terms for a hospital. God…she needed a cigarette. Stepping outside, she slid her body onto a bench and lit up. Taking a drag, she inhaled the harsh smoke into her lungs. It was like breathing death. And that was just fine to her. She wanted to kill this feeling of hopelessness that was pressing into her mind. Maybe a little death would be just the thing that would do it. She took another pull and exhaled slowly, watching the smoke drift lazily into the night air.

She couldn’t get the idea of Walter and his…deformity…out of her mind. His eye….his one eye….the left one. It had been black…as dark as coal. It wasn’t normal. And the doctors still couldn’t explain it. There wasn’t any blood buildup. There wasn’t any damage to the eye at all, as far as they could see. But there was one thing that was terribly wrong with Walter. When she had first heard it…she had almost passed out.

“Mrs. Jones,” Doctor Franklin, the head physician had pulled her aside a few hours after Walter had been admitted to Cringleton Memorial Hospital. His expression had told her that something was wrong. At first, she had assumed that Walter had died. But that wasn’t the case.

“I’m afraid that I have some very bad news,” Doctor Franklin had said, “But I don’t really know how to explain it…so I’m just going to come right out with it.”

He had spent the next 30 minutes going into detail about how Walter should have been killed with all the other miners…how it had been a miracle that he had survived the cave-in. And then he went on.

“Your husband has a large jagged piece of coal that is imbedded in his skull,” he said to Mary’s amazement, “In fact, the x-rays show that it is penetrating his brain. In all my days, I’ve never seen anything like it. He should be dead.”

“Is he going to die, doctor?” she had asked, wringing her hands with worry.
“Well….I should be saying yes,” Doctor Franklin had continued, “But I can’t. All of his vital signs are strong….and getting stronger. It seems that he is in perfect health…at least physically. And all of his brain waves seem to be in the normal range. But…..”

“Go on….” she had prompted.

“I’m afraid that we can’t remove it,” he had said, “If we do…he will more than likely die immediately. Your husband is going to live the rest of his life with a large jagged shard of coal imbedded in his brain.”

The doctors had done everything that they could. They had run endless hours of tests….performed scans….and still they weren’t any closer to knowing what had happened to Walter than when they started. And they still didn’t know why he was alive.

At least some good news was coming her way. Since the accident, she had been barraged by a mob of lawyers who wanted to represent her. She had researched them all…and picked the ones who were the most bloodthirsty. She was out for all that she could get. Her lawyers assured her that the coal mine was to blame….faulty conditions, shoddy practices, and even more that could shut them down or, even worse, land some of the top officials in prison. They were more than ready to settle out of court…keep it all hush hush. And Mary was willing to work with them….for a price. For a very large price.

All of Walter’s medical bills were being taken care of by the mine. And yesterday, she had been able to deposit a very large sum of money into her bank account. The first of many. So….for that…she could put up with all the drama of the last three weeks. She could put up with a lot of things.

Walking back into the hospital, she made her way back toward the elevator. She needed to get back to Walter. She wanted to be there in case…when…he woke up. She heard someone weeping softly in the chapel as she passed by. She could have stopped….seen if she could offer some solace….a shoulder to cry on. But she didn’t. She had her own troubles to worry about. And she didn’t care if it was God and Jesus or the God of the Honky Tonk….she would pray to whichever god would help her out right now. She just wanted Walter to come out of his coma…and then they could get on with their life. Heck…she could even learn to live with that eye. She would buy him a patch. Right now…she could afford to buy him a million patches!

As she stepped off the elevator, she took a deep breath to steady herself. She didn’t see the night nurse on duty at her desk. She must be off in one of the rooms helping a patient. Surprising….Mary didn’t have very high regard for her. She seemed rather lazy. Maybe that was why she was on the skeleton crew.

Just then she heard a shrill scream come from down the hall. It was very high pitched…a woman. And it cut off very quickly…snuffed out. But what got Mary’s heart pumping was the fact that it had come from Walter’s room! She started running toward his room. She wasn’t sure what she was going to find….but she was afraid to find out. And she was afraid not to know.

Until next week….class dismissed.

Dark as Coal, Part Two

Mary Jones stood huddled with a small group of women near the entrance to the Number 23 mine. They were each holding signs prompting people to “Pray to Jesus” and “Hope for Miracle.” But Mary knew in her heart that there was not going to be a miracle for any of them. It was hopeless. Everyone knew it. It was just that when you love someone as much as she and the other wives loved their husbands, it was hard to give up hope.

It had been one week since she had seen the vision in her mirror. Walter had been standing behind her, staring at her….holding out his arms toward her. It had frightened her at the time. Then the phone call from Jenny Smith had made everything crystal clear in her head. It had been a ghost….Walter’s ghost. He had come to say goodbye.

According to the news, which had been covering the story everyday for the past week, the mine had collapsed due to bad mining conditions and poor management. Of course, then the news had to bring up every old story about mine citations and other disasters in mining history…as if people wanted to hear that stuff anyway! About three days into the disaster, the news stopped calling it a search and rescue mission. Now it was a search and find mission…as in finding the dead bodies of all the miners.

Mary wiped a tear from her face. She had thought that they were all cried out, but she surprised herself. She just hoped that Walter had gone quickly. She didn’t like to think that he might have suffered.

“Pray with me Mary,” Jenny Smith trod up beside her and grabbed her by the hand, pulling her down onto the rocks.

Mary didn’t particularly feel like praying. It was hot…and the sharp gravels were digging into her knees. She didn’t want to upset Jenny though. Jenny was taking it harder than most of them. She had just married Bill Smith two months ago…and she was already expecting a child. It was going to be hard raising a baby without a husband…especially at 16. So, Mary bowed her head as Jenny began to weep and wail out to God for a miracle. She wasn’t totally cold-hearted. And besides, she could put up with a lot of things. A little physical discomfort wasn’t going to kill her.

Just then there was a sound of loud shouting coming from the direction of the mine. Several men in yellow coats and hard hats came running out of the mine, waving their arms and motioning for help. Mary froze. Her heart dropped down into her stomach which was sour anyway from lack of a proper diet and sleep. Had they found the bodies? Was this the end? She found that she was clutching Jenny Smith a little too tightly…but she couldn’t help it.

One of the miners who was standing vigil near the entrance of the mine came running toward the group of wives. He shouted out, “They found them. They found the bodies. Oh dear God…they found all the bodies.”

Mary heard the wailing start up around her as the women began screaming out their pain and anguish. She had started to tear up again also. But she couldn’t figure out if it was out of sadness for the loss of her husband or relief that his body had been found. She guessed a little of both. At least there would be closure. She wondered how much insurance money she would get from the mine….and how long it would last her.

Another miner came storming up to them. His words made her heart stop. “One of them is still alive. It’s a miracle! One of the trapped miners is still alive! Praise God!”

Her breath caught in her throat. She looked over at Jenny Smith. They were still holding each other. Their eyes locked. Instantly they pushed apart from each other. They knew….they both knew…that in a moment, one of them might hear the wonderful news that her husband was still alive. And they both in that moment knew that they were wishing that it was true…that their husband was still alive. But by doing so….Mary was, in a sense, wishing that Jenny’s husband was dead. And she knew that Jenny was doing the same thing about Walter. And you just can’t hold onto someone who is wishing death upon your family, now can you?

Mary got to her feet. She didn’t offer to help Jenny up. Let her stay down on the ground and pray some more. Mary was going to start walking toward the mine. She just had to see…who was still alive? Some more of the wives started walking with her.

“Who is it?” someone yelled out, “Who survived?”

And then, another man in a yellow coat and hard hat appeared. He was carrying one end of a stretcher. Another man, similarly dressed, was carrying the other end. And on the stretcher was…

“WALTER!” Mary screamed!

And it was Walter. She could recognize that long, crooked nose from anywhere. She ran toward him, but someone was holding her back.

“No Mary,” a voice was saying, “Don’t look at him. He’s alive…but something’s wrong with him. Don’t look at him Mary. We’ve got to get him to the hospital.”

But she did look at him. She looked at his face….as dark as coal. She looked at his hair…matted and clumped with dirt…mud…and something else. And his mouth….it looked red and raw. Like he had been punched in the mouth.

And as she was looking at him…trying to get to him…he opened his eyes. And it was almost like it was in her kitchen that day...right before the accident. One eye was white….and it was Walter…she could see it! But the other eye….the other eye….was as black as midnight. And it was shining. And Walter started to scream and scream and scream. And he was reaching out toward her, his hands drawn into claws. But Mary didn’t care. Walter was still alive.

Until next week….class dismissed.

Dark as Coal, Part One

Mary Jones stood at the sink washing up a mess of potatoes for supper. Her husband Walter was a coal-miner, and his favorite meal was any kind of fried meat (chicken, beef, pork…he didn’t care!) and fried taters. So, being the good wife that she was, Mary always made sure that there were fried taters on the table. At breakfast, they had fried eggs, bacon, and fried taters. For lunch, she sent him along with a few cans of potted meat, crackers, a Twinkie…and a small dish of leftover fried taters. And for supper each night, she made even more fried taters.

Truth be told, Mary was quite sick of fried taters. Sometimes just the smell of them frying made her want to puke her guts out. But, she was raised to please her husband. And so…she made fried taters. Day in and day out. Sometimes she even dreamed that she was frying up a mess of taters.

Mary sighed. It was a good little life that she and Walter had made for themselves here in the hills of Breathitt County, Kentucky. She had been a high-school dropout and without an education, she hadn’t had much hope for a comfortable future. But then she had seen Walter at Save-a-Lot one day while shopping for pickled bologna. Walter had finished high school and had a good job as a coal miner. He wasn’t much to look at. His nose was sort of long and crooked and he was missing a few teeth. He also had knobby legs. He came out of the mines each day just as black as you please. And he sort of smelled.

But he was good to her. And he had a decent job. And she was the only one of her family who wasn’t on food stamps or welfare…so she guessed that she was doing pretty well in life. She and Walter had a real nice double wide trailer on land that they had bought and paid for. Their well had good water, and they had two dozen chickens in the back yard that gave them plenty of eggs to eat. They raised a little garden in the summer, and Mary had gotten quite good at canning beans, tomato juice, and pickled corn. The pickled corn went along real good with pickled bologna…and fried taters. She smacked her lips and knew that she was going to cook that for supper tonight. Walter wouldn’t care….he only cared for taters.

Happy with her lot in life, Mary began to hum a few tunes of “Jesus Loves Me.” She hadn’t been to church in a long time, and she felt a little guilty about not keepin’ up with the Lord. But she had gone to so much church when she was a little girl that she felt that she was due a little break. Walter didn’t believe in churches. But he was a God-fearin’ man. He prayed a lot at home…when he wasn’t drinkin’. Not that he was drunk. He just liked to cut wild sometimes. Mary didn’t care as long as Walter kept workin’ and bringing home that paycheck. She could put up with a little drinkin’. She could put up with a lot of things.

Bending down to get a pan out for the pickled corn, she suddenly felt like she wasn’t alone. It was weird because she and Walter were the only ones who lived in their little double-wide. They hadn’t had any kids yet. Truth be told, Mary wasn’t too sure that she even wanted kids. All of her sisters and brothers had kids…tons of them. And kids meant one thing….spending money. Money was hard to come by, and Mary didn’t want to be spending any of her money on a bunch of snot-nosed kids.

But the feeling persisted. Someone was standing behind her! With a startled screech, she jumped up and twirled around, brandishing the pot in her hand like a club. There was nobody behind her. Besides her, the kitchen was empty.

Laughing to herself, she turned back to her stove.

“Silly woman,” she whispered to herself, opening up a nice, fat jar of pickled corn, “Givin’ yourself the willies. What are ya? A little girl?”

It just so happened that at that exact moment something moving caught the corner of her eye. Without moving her head, she raised her eyes and looked in the mirror that hung on the wall behind her stove.

Walter was standing behind her…staring at her with eyes wide with fright. His face was black, making his eyes appear even whiter and wider than ever. His mouth was open like he was screaming…but no words were coming out of his mouth. And he was reaching out toward her…his hands clutching for her.

With a true scream this time, Mary twirled around. Had Walter gone crazy? Why was he home so early?

Nobody was behind her. Nobody at all. The kitchen was empty.

Just then the phone rang, making her screech out again. Her hands shaking nervously, she fumbled for the receiver. At first she was so nervous that she had the dumb thing upside down. She finally figured out what was wrong and turned it back around.

“Mary?” a tiny voice called out over the phone, “Mary? This is Jenny Smith…from down the road. Oh God Mary…you’ve gotta’ come quick. There’s been an accident….at the mine.”

Mary’s legs felt weak…and she slowly slid to the floor. The voice at the other end of the phone…Jenny Smith….kept going.

“Mary? Are you there?” it insisted in its hysterical tone, “There’s been a cave-in at the mine. There’s a bunch of ‘em trapped down there. My Bill…and your Walter. They’re trapped! Trapped!”

Suddenly it was hard to breath. Mary kept thinking about what she had just seen in her kitchen.

“Mary?” Jenny kept going, “You’ve got to come. They might all be dead!”

Until next week….class dismissed.

Grumpy, Frumpy....Down and Dumpy!

Okay...I guess it has been one of "THOSE" days. It stated out good enough and then went to hell in a handbasket right away. How come the best way to get to hell is in a handbasket anyway? And what the hell is a handbasket? Oh well...I diverge.

I know that there are people in this world who just love to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself just to make themselves feel better. I don't know what it is about these people...and usually I can take it with a grain of salt and go on. I'm the one who usually tells others to just ignore those people. But guess what? I'm human too! Shocker, huh? Let me just say that it was a bad day.

But...tomorrow is tomorrow and tomorrow is another day. What?

Tomorrow will be better. I'll fake it until then. :-)

My MIL has it right! This is how I feel...lol.
Tell us about it...Janet!

I'm in The Morehead News!

Hey everyone! Anyone? Are you out there?

Oh well! I just wanted to let you know that my article "Class Action" is now being printed in The Truth (online newspaper run by East Ky Media), The Breathitt Advocate, and The Morehead News! I'm also submitting it to The Hazard Herald, but I don't know if they have printed anything yet...yet.

I'm syndicated!

Hoppy hoppy...joy joy
I'm happy!

HMR Diet..30 pounds in almost 3 months

I have been living "in the box" (mostly) for almost the last 3 months. I have been eating foods from the HMR (Health Management Resources) diet plan. I get 3 shakes a day, 2 entrees a day, and unlimited fruit and vegetables. It has been a really easy diet to follow because I am eating all day long.

So far, I have lost right at 30 pounds. I am wearing pants I haven't worn in 2 years! I want to lose about 36 more pounds. Then...we'll see.

I'll keep you posted on my HMR progress. By the way...I do have a cheat day every now and then. Hey...it's called living. I can still lose the weight and not feel deprived.

Hatfield Reunion 2009...Photos!

The Hatfield Reunion...2009!

Hey there everyone! I know that I said that I might start my story about Walter the coalminer this week, but then life happened. I wanted to share with you all about my weekend with some of the best people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

As my wife Lisa and I pulled onto the gravel driveway of Creekside Cabins and RV Park in Louisa, KY, I could see the huge, professionally-made sign welcoming us to the annual Hatfield Family Reunion. And yes…when I say Hatfield…I mean the ones you have heard about in Appalachian legend. As if to drive the message home, there was a picture of shotguns on the sign along with the words “No McCoys.” All of this was in good fun though…although I’ve never seen a McCoy anywhere near the area during this time of year.

As we drove under the covered bridge and entered the park grounds, it was almost like coming home. I only see most of these people once a year, but somehow there is no strange awkwardness or silence. These people are family. They were there to greet us with plenty of handshakes, back slaps, and hugs. I could feel the smile starting to spread across my face. Somehow I knew that it would stay there the entire weekend. When you are around people as nice as the Hatfield clan, it isn’t hard to be jolly.

The smell of wood smoke and roasting meat made my stomach growl hungrily. Have I mentioned that the Hatfields love to eat? They are people after my own heart…and stomach. A large smoker roared with fire and smoke the entire weekend producing such tantalizing treats as smoked pork loin, spicy chicken wings, pork shoulder (pulled and smothered), and brisket. Rusty and Mike Hatfield manned the smoker and did not let us down as they produced many wonderful meals.

We checked into our cabin. It was very nice with 2 bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and living room. There was a full front porch (complete with rocking chairs) and a back deck that overlooked a stream that chugged along happily as if it were also enjoying the festivities. Although I have been attending the Hatfield reunion for the last 3 years now, I am still amazed at the compact clean accommodations at Creekside Cabins and RV Park.

As in years past, the main attractions of the reunion took place under the “big top.” A large canopy stretched out to create the perfect space to eat, talk, laugh, and then eat some more. I had helpings from so many dishes that I ran out of plate space at each meal. When you are at a reunion, plate space is more precious than gold! Sometimes you have to stack one type of food on top of another. But then, of course, you have the chance at plate “breakage.” Fortunately this did not happen and I was able to sample many dishes including not one but TWO types of hash brown casseroles! Everything was rich and creamy…swimming in grease, cream, butter, and sugar. It was an anorexic’s nightmare! But that just meant that I wanted to have seconds of everything!!!

After eating a large meal, apparently the Hatfields love to get out and about on a hayride! Of course, I just had to take part of that as well. We all flopped down on a large trailer pulled by a sputtering John Deere tractor driven by the ever vigilant Rusty Hatfield. We were all so weighted down with all that good food that we worried about the tractor breaking down before we could get back to the camp grounds. However, the trustworthy tractor took us on a delightful trip that allowed us to show off the Hatfield friendliness to the neighborhood! We even took a sign so that people would know who we were. I think that we entertained several people that evening.

Speaking of entertainment, the Hatfield Reunion is notorious for its entertainment. Carrie (Hatfield) Moore is in charge of the entertainment. This year, the game involved blindfolding family members and having them guess what they were holding. The items for some of the older members included tame items such as vegetables, toys, and other sundries. Then they called up some of the “younger” members…and I use this term loosely since some of us involved were not that young, myself included! I thought that this was going to be easy…but NO! Instead of passing around items, they passed around…ahem….animal excrement for us to guess! Needless to say, it wasn’t too pleasant for us…but hilarious for everyone else. But I can’t complain too much. If I had been in the audience, I would have been laughing just as hard. Carrie is a wonderful, sweet young woman who goes out of her way to make everyone feel welcome. Keep up the good work Carrie! I can’t wait to see what we are all going to be doing next year!

After the entertainment, several people went to bed while the rest of us sat up. We talked. We laughed. And…we sang. The karaoke machine was a very popular item. We even had our own version of the Oakridge Boys as a large group of them broke out with the song “Elvira!” I can still hear it now as I write this article. Have I been scarred for life? If I am, it is a price worth paying for all the laughter and fun that we had just hanging out and enjoying life.

All too soon, the Hatfield Reunion ended for another year. With more hugs and back slaps, we all promised to get together again next year. We even hope to visit with some of them this coming year so that it isn’t so long in between getting to see each other. Also, thanks to Face Book and other social sites, we can keep up with each other. Isn’t technology amazing?

Now we are just left with some wonderful memories…and some really cool pictures. I’ll share some of these with you. The rest? Well…let’s just say that some of them will remain top secret until next year’s reunion when we can share them with everyone on the “big screen.” And believe me…some of them are very, very precious!

Until next week…..class dismissed!

Julie and Julia...and FOOD at Cedar Village!

Went to the movies yesterday with the wife. We traveled to Richmond and watched it at the new Cinemark in Richmond Centre. It was a great movie and we both loved it. We have been reading "My Life in France" and "Julie and Julia" for the last week or so....and the movie did not disappoint.

We had heard that you shouldn't go and see this movie (about Julia Child!) on an empty stomach. Can't imagine why...lol!

On the way over to Richmond, we stopped off at a place in Irvine called Cedar Village Restaurant. I was just hoping for some decent country food. I haven't had that in a while....but let me tell you. THIS PLACE HAD THE BEST FOOD I HAVE EVER EATEN!

I was so impressed! We each had the buffet. It had the most amazing fried catfish on it. It was so hot, fresh, and flaky. It literally just melted in your mouth. I must have eaten a lake-full of fish! I also had some fried chicken, soup beans, cornbread, hashbrown casserole, mashed potatoes, and green beans (country style)! I was in heaven!

Usually on a buffet, I will enjoy maybe one or two things. I have found that when the chicken is good then the fish isn't....or if the beans are pretty good then the cornbread will suck. But I have to say that I didn't find one thing that I DIDN'T like about this place. I actually licked my plate! When have you done that at a restaurant before!

I finished off with a desert that was so good that I could have died right then and there...life would have found perfection. It was flaky, sweet, and spicy with hints of apple and cinnamon. One of the nice ladies who worked there said that it was called an "Old Fashioned Butter Roll" and was just full of sugar, butter, flour, and other good things. I didn't ask for the calorie count. When food is this good, it is worth the sacrifice.

I'm just glad that this place is a little bit from our house. If it was too close, I would have TLC at my house doing a documentary on the world's most obese man. They would have to cut a hole in the side of my log home just to get me out...and back to the Cedar Village!

If you want to check out their website, visit http://www.cedarvillage.biz/ .

Walking in Money

In April, my wife and I decided to join the Virgin Healthmiles program offered through our health insurance company, Humana. It is a pretty good deal. We pay them $4.50 a month and they send us an electronic pedometer. We wear it each day and it records our steps. At night, we hook it up to the computer and it sends the data to the company. (The company....doesn't that sound ominous?)

You have to walk at least 7,000 steps a day to get points. After so many points, they pay you. Yes...you heard me right. They actually GIVE YOU MONEY TO EXERCISE! So far, I have earned $100. I can earn up to $300 in a year just for walking.

Sounds great...doesn't it? They give me money for doing something I should be doing anyway. In return, they save money because if I am exercising then I am living a healthier lifestyle and will probably not use my health insurance for major problems. A win-win....right?

Well...I just discovered that you can shake the pedometer and get "steps." Not saying that I'm doing that or anything...cough, cough. But what if I'm feeling lazy one day...or even one whole week. It sort of defeats the purpose if I'm just shaking this little gizmo all day long. But then again....that could be counted as some sort of exercise. Couldn't it?

Time will tell.

In other news, with the combination of walking to get Virgin Healthmiles points and my HMR diet, I have lost over 30 pounds since May! Hooray!

Green Beans and Blogs!

Hey everyone. Sorry that I haven't updated my blog in a couple of months. As you know, I was writing this blog in conjunction with the regional newspaper, The Kentucky Mountain News. When that went under, I thought "Well, I just won't write for a while." At first, it was just for a week or two...and then I got lazy. Lazy is as lazy does...or doesn't do.

Well, now I'm back baby! I decided to write for my blog once again. Writing is just a part of me...I love to do it and it just comes to me like breathing. I love to write and would probably do it even if the only ones reading this were my dogs. So, since I'm writing this....I guess that I should post it on my blog. I'm also going to be submiting this to The Truth which is the online newspaper which evolved out of The Kentucky Mountain News. I'll also post it to The Breathitt Advocate...a locally owned paper.

So where to start? I thought that I would start again with green beans....yes, I said green beans. Yesterday, I decided to help my mom and dad pick some green beans. I'm not a farmer. But my mom and dad are...and they love to grow everything from potatoes, cabbage, okra, and green beans. They were getting ready to can some beans...so I decided to get in touch with Mother Earth and pick some beans.

I slowly and methodically made my way through the bean patch. While I was doing this, my parents were obviously running a race through the garden because they picked a whole bucket of beans...while I picked these:

At first, I was quite proud of myself...and then I saw how many beans my parents had picked....and then my little handful just looked pitiful.

But, like I said, I'm not a farmer...and don't pretend to be. I'll just be happy with my few beans...and just let it go from there. At least I'm writing again....

Until next time....class dismissed.